Twilight Princess With a Twist
by MsBBSue
Summary: This is a parody of Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess. Please, enjoy, or be angry... just respectful. Be warned, there are swear words... nothing too vulgar though. I hope you enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer****: I do not own any Legend of Zelda characters. This is a story I have created and not a part in anyway making me money... I am poor... and possibly more so now having written this...**

**Anyway, please enjoy, and if you find that I have any problems, misspellings, or even if I am terrible at this, tell me... but be respectful. Hope you like it!**

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**This is something I wrote a while back, it's kind of a follow up to ****Ocarina of Time: How It Should Have Gone Down****.**

**It's just the opening scene, written the same way (for those of you unaware, it's in script format)**

**It's a humorous look... parody, if you will. **

**Let me know what you think, if it's one to keep or one to toss-this is all pending on you, the reader.**

**If you don't like it, leave a review. I will be sure to take it with a grain of salt, this is only my second time trying to write a comedy, so I understand if it comes across as rather dull.**

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**Finding Epona**

Scene starts off black, only a voice can be heard.

_Tell me… do you ever feel a strange sadness as dusk falls?... They say it's the only time when our world intersects with theirs… The only time we can feel the lingering regrets of spirits who have left our world. That is why loneliness always pervades the hour of twilight…_

Scene brightens and Link looks to Rusl with huge eyes and his jaw dropped. Rusl shifts uncomfortably and continues.

Rusl: Uh… I have a favour to ask of you, Link. I was supposed to deliver something to the royal family of Hyrule the day after tomorrow... Yes, it was a task set to me by the mayor, but...would you go in my stead? You have (places hand back on Link's knee and raises eyebrows) never been to Hyrule, right? In the kingdom of Hyrule, there is a great castle, and around it is Castle Town, a community far bigger than our little village (Link shakes his head and removes Rusl's hand again)...And far bigger than Hyrule is the rest of the world the gods created. You should look upon it all with your own eyes… (Looks at Link) Your own big, sapphire, ocean blue eyes… (Link shows discomfort and Rusl clears his throat and looks around) Oh, look at the time… It is getting late... We should head back to the village. I will talk to the mayor about this matter.

Scene cuts out as Link walks with Rusl back to the village in the sunset.

When the scene opens again, it is a view of the Link's house and a man comes running to the door.

Fado: Hey! Link! You there? Hey! You mind helpin' me herd the goats? They ain't listenin' to me lately! Hey, where's Epona? C'mon, now, hurry on up an' bring Epona with you.

Link exits his home and glares at Fado.

Link: Why are you bugging me? Doesn't it ever occur to you that I might be busy?

Fado: Uh… it's your job, Link-

Link: Do I get paid?

Fado: No-

Link: Do I get food?

Fado: No-

Link: Do I get anything for helping you?

Fado: … You get to jump the fences-

Link: Fair enough, let's go(Link begins walking to village)-

Fado: Hey, hey, where are you goin' without Epona? Hurry on up an' bring her with you, bud.

Link: … Where is she?

Fado: I don't know-

Link: You're, uh… kind of useless… aren't you?

Fado shrugs.

Link: Why did you let the goats out if you can't get them back in the barn without help-

Fado: Link, it's just how it goes, alright? (Sigh) Just go get Epona and meet me back at the ranch, alright?

Link: Oh! So, you'll tell me to help you but when it comes to me needing a helping hand, you're all stand off-ish? Is there a double standard here? Non-playable characters are just looking for good, old Link to save the day- again!? (angry)

Fado: …

Link: Whatever! See you when-if I find Epona-

Fado: Ilia took her-

Link: Where?

Fado: I don't know.

Link: Fine!

Scene fades as Link walks out of shot.

Scene opens to Link entering the Ordon Spring where Ilia and Epona stands. Link has his hands on his hips and is glaring at the young woman.

Ilia: Oh, hi, Link. I washed Epona-

Link: Do you know how many times I've run past this place? Seriously! What the hell? You know Epona is _my_ horse, not **yours**!

Ilia: (Ignoring Link's words) Can you use a piece of grass to play that song for me? You know, the one that Epona likes? I tried to play it for Epona, but I just can't seem to play it the way you can, Link.

Flashback of Ilia blowing grass plays. Her cheeks are puffed out as she holds a blade of grass between her thumbs and blows. Her eyes cross as a squeak escapes the blade of grass. She looks at Epona with a joyful smile, but the horse seems to be unimpressed. The scene then goes back to Link and Ilia.

Link: Fine… (Grabs grass and blows. Epona, who is actually just two people in a horse costume runs towards him. Link places a hand on her nose and smiles) So lifelike…

Epona: (Muffled voice) This _is_ life! We're a horse. (Hitting sound comes from the back and a second voice is heard) Shut up! Horses don't speak, you idiot!

Link stares at the horse for a moment and shakes his head. He turns to Ilia as she speaks.

Ilia: It's such a nice melody... Epona looks happy.

Epona: (Hitting sound comes from the horse costume. Whisper) Oh, right… (Louder) Moo-

Epona's back: You're a horse not a cow!

Epona: Right! Neigh!

Ilia: … Well, she's all prettied up now, so I suppose you can ride her back. But don't you make her do too much, OK?

Link: Uh… yeah, sure…

Link then hops onto fake horse.

Epona: Aw, hell naw! (the two people in the costume emerge and the horse mask is lifted off while Link falls to the ground between the two)

First Person: There aint no way I'm lugging around your lazy ass!

Second Person: No kidding! My back is already hurting and we've only been doing this for five minutes!

Link: (Breaks forth wall) And that, kids, is the story of evolution.

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**As I said in the beginning, this is all pending on you.**

**I won't be disappointed if you don't like it... I kind of am hesitant to do this seeing as I'll have to restart the game again and then look up the walkthroughs and script... again.**

**I'm not saying that I'm not for it. If you are, I'm with you!**

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**As always, reviews are much welcomed-though this time they are what will determine if this is continued or not.**

**Let's say... five reviews will be the determining mark. However, if it is continued, I don't know when I will have more.**

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**If you follow the story... or add to the favorites, I will message you as soon as I have the next scene, seeing as I will be placing it under a different title and removing this little preview.**

**~MsBBSue**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer****: I do not own any Legend of Zelda characters. This is a story I have created and not a part in anyway making me money... I am poor... and possibly more so now having written this...****Anyway, please enjoy, and if you find that I have any problems, misspellings, or even if I am terrible at this, tell me... but be respectful. Hope ****you like it!**

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**I know it's been a while. Sorry about that.**

**Anyway, this is an author note that is pretty important. In order to 'get' this scene, you should probably look up 'Grease Lightning'... and listen to the song. Perhaps play the song while you read the lines after Malo saying "It looks like a branch."**

**Just a suggestion. Without further ado, here is the chapter—I mean scene :)**

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Act One Scene Two

The scene opens with the view of Link's house—just a tree he sleeps in, no walls or doors at all. The camera backs up and three 'children' can be seen (in reality, the children are teenagers) smoking cigarettes and wearing (for the boys) leather jackets and (for Beth) a pink jacket. The camera cuts and shows one of the teenagers tossing his cigarette and approaching the tree.

Malo: Yo, Link! Wake up, it's morning already! (Malo picks up a rock and tosses it at Link and then slicks his hair back)

Link jumps down from the tree.

Link: It's my day off! I had to go help Fado with the goats! Why can't I sleep in?

Malo: Did yah hear? They're selling a sling shot at the shop—

Link: Yeah I heard (Link rolls his eyes)

Malo: I wish we could get one—

Beth: You'd end up blinding yourself!

Talo: Shut up Beth!

Link: Now, now, now. (Link brings the group in) Whose to say we don't already have one?

The group look to Link with confusion.

Link: (Rips a forked branch from the tree) Doesn't this look like a slingshot?

Malo: It looks like a branch—

Link: (Appears to be in a black tight t-shirt, leather jacket, and jeans like Malo and Talo) Well this branch is emblematic (takes off jacket), it's hansamatic (places jacket in other hand), it's symptomatic(tosses jacket to the ground), why it's (winds head around) Sling Frightenin'! (the group begins to dance as the music from Grease Lightning plays in the background) We'll get some old lady quilters and four sterile rods, oh yeah!

Malo: Keep caulking, whoa keep on caulking!

Link: Full ejection cut off, and fine leather pad, oh yeah!

Talo: I want the money, I'll see you get the money!

Link: With a rock through the door, they'll lock it in the drawer. You know it won't slit, we'll be getting lots of shit with Sling Frightening!

Malo & Talon: Go Sling Frightening! You're going through the bathroom tile Sling Frightening! Go Sling Frightening! We'll be sent to our rooms for a while Sling Frightening! Go Sling Frightening!

Link: You are supreme—odd wet dream, Sling Frightening! We'll shoot at some old snails with some welts in our skins, oh yeah! With a super stretchy cord it's about to begin. With bottle caps, corks, and rocks, they can suck on ours cocks! You know I hate to rage, but she needs a new gauge, Sling Frightening!

Malo & Talon: Go Sling Frightening! You're going through the bathroom tile Sling Frightening! Go Sling Frightening! We'll be sent to our rooms for a while Sling Frightening! Go Sling Frightening!

Link: You are supreme—odd wet dream, Sling Frightening!

*Keep in mind they are doing the dance as the 'T-Birds' do*

Song ends.

Collin: Sling Frightening! Go Sling… Fright… ening…

The group stares at him angrily. They then look down at what they have created. While singing and dancing, the group created an amazing slingshot, but once the song is over, they are left with only a branch with a rope tied to the forked off ends.

Link: Close enough.

Epona: No it's not!

Epona's back: It makes my eyes hurt—and I can't even see it!

Collin: I think it's beautiful

Epona: (Uses 'hoof' and pushes Collin down) Shut up Collin!

Epona's back: (Laugh) What did you do?

Epona: (Turns to back) I pushed him down.

Epona's back: Awesome… High hoof!

The back end of Epona then lifts her leg and the front end raises a front leg and the two connect in a 'high five' sort of way.

End scene.

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**You may all thank ZeldaRubix for this upload. She was the one who made me think of this...**

**Not for any particular reason, the idea just came up after she sent in a question about when the next bout of the story will be up.**

**Thank you SO MUCH ZeldaRubix. Words cannot describe my thanks**

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**As always, reviews are much welcomed!**


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